


do not contact me with unsolicited services or offers

by buttholdt



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Craigslist, F/F, i don't know how to use this website, this is awful i'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 01:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3631473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttholdt/pseuds/buttholdt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>alternatively titled 'oh my god what am I doing'</p>
            </blockquote>





	do not contact me with unsolicited services or offers

“Hello?”

Christa took a deep breath, listening to the voice on the other end of the phone with a slight frown. She probably sounded weird – a voice on the end of a number that the other wouldn’t recognise - and she half-contemplated just hanging up and blocking the number, maybe even cancelling her phone out of embarrassment, before she heard an annoyed sigh, and the voice coming through again.

“Is this some kind of shitty prank call? God, get a life. Ringing people up and breathing down the phone to them was amusing when I was like, _eight_ , seriously. It got creepy pretty quickly.”

“No!” Christa replied quickly. “No, I… I’m sorry, I just… didn’t know what to say? I’m- I’m ringing up about your um, advert thing?”

She glanced down to the slip of paper she’d printed off, rereading it again as she spoke, vaguely hearing a slight chuckle from the other end.

 _‘Alone on a holiday?’_ , the paper read. _‘Mad at your family?_

_I’m 25 years old, and I own a car that the 70s shit out. I work late nights at a bar sometimes, and at a shitty chain coffee shop most days. If you want some kind of platonic (not that your family would know) date for any special occasions that you can traumatise your family with, hit me up._

_I can do these things at your request:’_

(Here, the writer had formatted tiny pictures in lieu of bullet points, though Christa couldn’t quite see properly what these images were.)

_‘openly hit on the other guests to make them as uncomfortable as you probably feel (you need to pretend to not notice though or else it won’t work, obviously.)_

_start argumentative discussions about topics that could be seen as impolite_

_propose dramatically to you in front of everyone_

_start an actual fight! (this one doesn’t have to happen but I haven’t had a proper fight in ages. I’ll probably win.)_

_If the food is good and I’m satisfied that I’ve annoyed enough people, you don’t have to pay me.’_

Sighing quietly, Christa shifted the paper about, listening to the voice on the other end.

“Oh. Oh, shit, yeah, I forgot I’d put that up. You know what you’re getting yourself into with this, right?”

Christa nodded, before hurriedly humming as she realised that she couldn’t be seen.

“Especially with the whole gay thing,” The voice continued, “’Cause people still aren’t cool with that. Not that I really care, because I am, obviously, but yeah.”

“I’ve… Um. I bought a girlfriend back with me before.” The blonde sighed. “It didn’t end too well, they all insisted we were just friends, but they know.”

“Okay. Cool. The name’s Ymir, by the way. Didn’t wanna put it on the advert because it’s not like it’s common and I’d probably have some weirdos look me up or something. I dunno, call me paranoid, but I like being anonymous sometimes. Ignoring the fact I put my number on there, but I don’t use my phone a hell of a lot.”

“Christa,” she replied, smiling a little. “The, uh… I need you to come to my parents’ anniversary with me. And I want to make it clear that I’m not the same as them, but I don’t want anything too too bad happening. So that’s probably no fights.”

She could have sworn she heard a sigh of disappointment from down the phone, but she ignored it, proceeding to tell her about the date and time, and details that would be important for the whole thing to work. Ending the call, she gave a sigh of relief, watching her slightly shaking hands in mild amazement that she’d actually done it.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how Craigslist works, can you tell?
> 
> Has this been done before? Most likely.
> 
> I'm sorry I just really wanted to write something and I saw http://janewithawhy.tumblr.com/post/113931372093/imagine-your-otp and was like yes okay that will do and then this happened.
> 
> Again, I apologise.


End file.
